Sometimes people can say hurtful things without even thinking about the pain it can cause and they are just saying them because they are angry or frustrated.
Remind yourself your mom could be dealing with personal issues, stress, and frustration. Be kind to yourself! To relieve the pain you may have thought about hurting yourself, using alcohol or drugs, smoking, or even intentionally having a low performance at school. This is why it is important to nurture yourself and stay away from harmful substances.
Forgive yourself. However, the truth is you may not even have the fault or be the reason why even if you become the perfect son or daughter, she may not even give you credit for it.
Do you have a toxic relationship with your mum? Here are some of the most common signs that you might have a toxic relationship with your mother: She seems not to care about your feelings.
Your mother may have taken care of all your physical needs but ignores the emotional ones. If you feel invisible or that your feelings are not important or your mom just ignores you completely sometimes and seems to criticize everything you do the next, then you may be having a toxic relationship.
Does she blame you for her happiness? You may even get punished for making decisions without consulting with her first. She may feel the need to be in the spotlight and when you are the center of attention, she gets jealous and does anything and everything to divert it back to her.
She is mean or cruel to you. She may call you names, make jokes about you, mock you, belittle you making you feel stupid, ugly, or worthless. In addition, she may also make fun of your friends, your beliefs, the way you dress, your dreams and aspirations in life, etc.
Figuring out how to protect yourself and flourish with a toxic mother can be difficult — and therapy can help. If you decide that the right thing for your own well-being is to stop talking to your mother , then don't believe that doing so makes you an awful person.
You're doing what you need to do to take care of yourself; you're just someone who's been dealt a rough hand, and odds are you're trying to do the best you can with it. Spinazzola, J. Unseen wounds: The contribution of psychological maltreatment to child and adolescent mental health and risk outcomes.
This article was originally published on November 16, Updated: Feb. Originally Published: November 16, She Dismisses Your Negative Feelings. See All Health Relationships Self. The reasonable question — why she decided to have a baby? Another case: young mom fight with grown daughter because she sees a rival woman instead. Sounds cruel, we know. But we allow you to stop it right now. There are a lot of people who really loves you and need you. Everyone knows that mother is the most important human in our life.
She was the first who we met, and she is the one who knew us before our birth. I look forward to digging into this forum more deeply. I felt like I needed a community of people who really understood. I typed the same statement into the search bar and felt the same feeling as well. It hurts. I have no reference except for the plethora of girlfriends my dad has brought home over the years. Just want to tell you that is not you and is her.
You are worth of being love so much. I have a mom that loves herself so much and everyone else but me. I know how you feel. But I can find comfort knowing that is God who loves me and cares for me. And He loves you too. For Him you are His daughter, His precious treasure. The Apple of His eye. Hugs to you dear Michaela. Thank you so much for reminding me of that! I really needed this. Love in Christ Jesus cynthia. Hi Shannon Your post really touched me. It just seems so strange, that in a world like ours, our mums are who we need to protect ourselves from I hope u are finding peace.
As I read your story, I was thinking to myself, God I am not the only one feeling this way. My mother is a mean, nasty women. Who has never shown me love. She never hugs me. I feel I am incapable of loving, yet I am such a loving person. Today, I was outside playing with the kids and my sister and my mom argued. As I can in to see what the problem was, my sister said I am not taking her shit anymore. I said what happened and my other sister said mommy was saying calling you ugly names and saying nasty things about you and Evelyn my sister who left.
Stood up for you. My mom comes out of her room and starts saying nasty things about my sister who left and defended me. I asked her why was she saying these things and she basically said in front of my other sister who witnessed it what did I say? But she called my sister who defended me and ask for her forgiveness. Me nothing…because in my mothers eyes I am nothing…Thanks for letting me share.
And she is wrong about you! Thanks for sharing. Hugs, Darlene. I was glad to find this article. I recently sold my home after struggling for two years after leaving an abusive marriage and have been living with my grandmother, who has dementia and is emotionally, verbally, and financially abusive.
I asked if I could come and stay with her for a while because I was really having a difficult time mentally, and I mentioned that I was needing to seek additional mental healthcare because I had thought about committing suicide. I already have depression and live on the autism spectrum so living with my grandmother has pushed me to the very edge of my ability to handle things on my own. We had a huge fight and when I tried to talk to her about it later, she made it about her.
I tried to tell her how much it hurt to have furniture matter more to her than I do. She told me that she never said that and that I was being melodramatic and that I had hurt her, too…she never even apologized for hurting me. And I lost it. And she has my sisters up in arms with me. But every time I even think about calling her, I get a guttural sickness that makes me want to puke all over.
And I consistently remember that she is always too busy for me. In fact, I think I only spoke to her when I would call her every once in a while. Not even during Hurricanes Katrina and Rita, which ripped my life out from under me. Not even when my fiance died. Once I did get to talk to my Dad, he calmed down and is very understanding of my hurt and my situation.
I hope you will join the current discussions on the more recent posts by checking out the home button. My story: My mother, while I was living at home was not so bad, however she was never one to ever tell the truth without adding her own flare to it. I eventually accepted this as her personality. We were close, as my mother was a teen mom, she always claimed we grew up together. I often found myself filling the role of friend as a young child.
I remember at age 12 her complaining to me about her sexual frustration with her most recent husband. She would tell me about how awful her own childhood was she was molested by an uncle and she would frequently remind me that when she had me no one thought I would amount to much of anything since she was so young when she had me.
She was never really a great role model when it came to self-value and men, we moved around a lot because she always needed to be with someone. She never really had a real job because she was always sick and was diagnosed with MS at a young age.
However I made the mistake of moving far away for college. In college we were okay, I called her often to talk about buy problems and stress related issues. She would listen to me but then she would also tell me frequently that I was grating on her and adding to her stress and it was making her sicker. So I tried to call and ask about her days as well, in my head I was trying to keep things even. I was perhaps a bit too needy and insecure and I was rather repetitive.
But as I got older I matured. After I graduated college she helped me out financially to get me started and even helped me through an emotionally abusive relationship. I developed an eating disorder for two years over this relationship and came out to my mother about it. She sent me money to see a counsellor, but I eventually moved back home for a few months to help me recover.
Only, my mother was different and not supportive at all. It hurt. A lot. I made the decision to go to Graduate school to become a teacher. I doubt she remembers the comment but it has stuck with me. I went to Graduate school any ways despite her thoughts. We would still talk a few times a week. I started dating my now husband. She helped me learn to trust him. She would tell me that I need to stop panicking that guys will leave me or get bored with me, and she honestly helped me through those negative thoughts.
She did come out to visit once. I dreaded the bill because I Was barely making ends meet. We made up though. I eventually graduated and moved in with my boyfriend. She would always promise to come out to visit me but never would. She would promise a care package but it would never arrive. She was getting more sick and forgetful. I would still call only to find out she was in the hospital and no one thought to tell me.
This trend continued for a year or two. I got engaged to my boyfriend and all hell broke loose. She lives in California and I live in Maryland.
I tried to include her in the wedding planning. She came out for a week to help me plan the wedding but I made a huge mistake that she still hold over my head. It was vintage looking and I felt great in it.
She said to get it. So I did. However she was not okay with it. I put my foot down and told her no, she cannot just invite other people into my home.
0コメント